By The Campfire

July 2, 2008

f this is your favorite TV show (that title up there), then stop reading now because what I’m about to say will just torque your sensitivity gland. But if you think this show is as ridiculous as a man willing to saw off a leg to save money on socks, read on.

It’s a “reality show,” which often means humiliation, shame, embarrassment, torture, pain, disgust, etc. This show takes it a few steps beyond – to life ruination. Think IRS audit or DA questioning you in a witness chair. Think Judge Judy is tough?

“Have you ever stolen money from your employer while making whoopee with the HR director on his office desk?”

The woman in the chair looks caught. Her boss, husband, and mother are all sitting in front of her as she looks like she swallowed a box of thumbtacks with a rubbing alcohol chaser. No matter the question, the contestant sits there with “yes” on his or her mind and “no” on his or her lips. Most lie. And the machine outs them. They lose and are unceremoniously tossed and the next victim, er contestant, takes the hotseat.

What kind of idiot goes on a show that asks you, “Have you ever slept with your wife’s sister?” And the answer is “yes,” while both the wife and the sister sit there glaring at him. Yes, Jerry Springer owns this territory but, at least, I suppose, on The Moment of Truth, you can win money if you truthfully answer questions like, “Are you sleeping with your boss?” or “Have you ever pretended to be a police office to get even with an ememy?”

Say what?

Then the answer is, "Yes."

Where do they get these people?

All of the questions are ridiculous on this show. No one in their right mind would ruin their lives like this. But they do. Over and over.

The producers have strapped the contestant to a lie detector previously and asked some of the craziest shinola you can imagine. And most are about sex and stealing and unfaithfulness.

“Have you ever given your spouse an STD and told her you picked it up from the equipment at the gym?”

Some are stupidly obvious.

“Would you cheat on your wife if Angelina Jolie hit on you at a party?”

Some are embarrassing.

“Have you ever let strippers use your mother’s toothbrush?”

I sit in awe, as people look contorted in extreme conflict as the host unfurls a question like, “Have you ever lied about working late but were really handcuffed to a bedpost in a rent-by-the-hour motel near the airport?” or “Have you ever told a friend that your spouse is the ugliest waste of human skin on the planet?”

“Have you ever had sex with your dog while drunk?”

“Do you wear women’s underwear while sneaking around the neighborhood, peeking into windows?”

One look at the person being asked and you know the answers are yes, yes, yes, yes and yes. How much shame can you take? Is it worth enough cash to buy a tank of gas if you tell the truth about your sick, pathetic fetish involving lighter fluid and rubber snakes? You get the big money if you admit to cheating on your income tax or having carnal knowledge of your spouse’s parents or if you say yes to burning down a nursing home.

“Did you murder those people in that terrible unsolved crime spree on the news tonight?”

The guy in the chair sits there and squirms and looks chagrined.

“No,” he says.

The automated lie-detector’s female voice says, “That’s not true.”

Okay, I haven’t seen that one, but if I did, I’d change my mind about the show.

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