By The Campfire

May 30, 2008

A few comments on a quick article in the New York Times from Saturday; the story went in the general direction of – If you think like everyone else these days, you won’t go far in business. Genius.

The article pulled some info from Wired about IQs and getting smarter and other mental functions of the like.

I went to Wired and read about John Finkle, the best “Magic: The Gathering” player ever. Here are his rules, cut and pasted, for games or business:

• Divorce your sense of self from your play. The key is to examine what you've done, in an unbiased way and critically, but not make yourself feel bad emotionally or crappy. Obviously, this is easier said than done.

• With anything in the world, find people who are better than you, but don't forget the people who aren't as good as you. Michael Jordan had a lot to learn from Phil Jackson, but he also had a lot to learn from Steve Kerr about shooting jump shots.

• Accept that if you want to be really good at something, you will need to do a lot of work. You look at people who are really good at Magic, they did it a real, real, real lot of times. They cared about it a lot, and they studied it a lot.

All of that advice makes perfect sense, doesn’t it? It is a bit like Eckhart Tolle advice.

Wired goes on to describe some things you can do daily to get a jump on your slacker brain and whip that double lobe of cognitive gel into shape.

• Discover. According to the Wired article, learning new things strengthens your brain.

Ahhh, okay, I think some things should be obvious, guys. I don’t need to read many articles to know that eating a lot makes you bigger and cutting off all of your hair makes you bald and standing in the rain makes you wet.

• Drink Tea. Americans like to soak their brains in caffeine with coffee and expensive energy drinks, but regular tea breaks throughout the day is actually better for the noggin.

That may be smarter, but I subscribe to a different regimen: Eight Vanilla Cokes a day – no matter what – chased with two Pop Tarts before sundown. Don’t try this at home, kids. I am a professional.

• Don’t panic. Wired says a little nervousness can boost brain function. Long periods of stress, however, turn us into “Neanderthals.”

Twenty-five years of stress and panic turns you into an ad agency employee.

• Practice the types of questions that appear on intelligence tests. “They are supposed to be objective but don’t believe it,” says Wired’s Steve Knopper.

Of course, if people create anything from tests to laws to opinions, they are not objective. People are not objective. But practicing for tests sounds a bit like studying for tests, which is always a good idea since teachers and professors like that kind of stuff.

• Exercise. Studies show that people who are fit do better on cognitive tests.

Could be. I can tell you that people who are fit do better on “Dog Eat Dog” and “So You Think You Can Dance.”

I saved the best for last. Jumping from Wired to Scientific American: If you feel sleepy after lunch, take a nap. You’ll work smarter and have better memory. As little as six minutes of sleep can positively affect mental function. So what this mean… means… ah… to… me… is… zzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Oh wow, dozed off there for a few minutes. Sorry.

Wait, I think I have the answer for global warming! Global cooling! All of those melting ice caps should cool it all down just fine, right, George? And this high gas price thing would end if prices were lower! Exxon, I’ll give that one to you for free. And the housing crisis can be solved with tents for everyone! Trying to decide between Hillary, Obama or McCain? Elect them all and switch them out like quarterbacks in a football game. Too much corn going to biofuels and not enough for food? Forget corn; grow beans. Feed the world and run the machines on methane.

I only slept for four minutes and look what it did for me. If I can log the full six minutes, imagine the clarity. Try it, we need to fix the recession and taxes and find an answer to war and – wait, if those people on Jeopardy are so damned smart, why aren’t they running the country? See, there’s another one.

Next time you see that guy asleep in the meeting, just remember, he’s working his way up the corporate ladder. If you don’t snooze, you lose.

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Opinions expressed here and in any corresponding comments are the personal opinions of the original authors, not necessarily of Big River and may not have been reviewed in advance by Big River.